Tag Archives: fundamentalism

Creationism Part II

If you’d like to read my first post on the intolerably ignorant comments made by creationists, you can find it here.

“If people came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?”

I’ve been asked this question so many times, I swear I’m going to shit my pants if I get asked it again. Creationists that have brought this question to my attention inevitably stand there with a ridiculous, arrogant smirk on their faces, showing they obviously think they’ve come up with something so witty and so profound that they just threw a big fucking monkey wrench in the whole god damn theory of evolution, the backbone of the entire field of biology. My god, I can’t fucking stand it.

I mean can people really sustain their lives in spite of this level of stupidity? Do they think they’ve come up with something that the many, many, many scientists studying biology across the globe never noticed? God damn dumbasses.

So, I will now set the record straight by making 2 important points about the theory of evolution. The first point I would like to make demonstrates quite clearly that these people do not know what the fuck they are talking about.

Point 1: No biologist anywhere claims that people came from monkeys.

Do you get that, imbeciles? You half-wit fucktards think you’ve come up with a brilliant defense against a claim that no one is even claiming to begin with. It would be just as productive for me to set out to prove that the biologists are all wrong because their claim that the sky is green is false. If I did that, you would say I’m an absolute idiot because biologists don’t even say the sky is green. So, yeah, waste your pathetic lives arguing against claims no one is making, you fucking blockheads. If something is not important enough to you to pick up a god damn book and fucking read about it, then it’s not important enough to you to open up your trap and spew out your asinine opinions about it.

What biologists actually say is that monkeys and humans share a common ancestor. So, in a sense, they’re kind of like our evolutionary cousins. You’re related to your cousins because you share a common ancestor, your grandparents, with your cousins. But, you did not come from your cousins, obviously.

But, for the sake of argument, let’s pretend that biologists do actually say that people came from monkeys. The question, “Why are there still monkeys,” would still not do anything to trip up evolutionary theory. Any of these moronic asshats that think it does simply do not understand how evolution works. Which leads to my second point.

Point 2: If species B came from species A, it is not true that every single individual from species A turned into species B.

No where will you find a biologist, or anyone that has even the most basic understanding of biology, claiming that every individual in a species together evolved into a new species. It just doesn’t work that way. And no one says it does. So, to all of you that are too fucking dumb to decide you should learn about something before forming an opinion about it, I will help you learn about it now by telling you a story. Simple minds tend to understand things better when information is offered in story form, so I will accomodate you and your feeble mind.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful island called Boogerloo. On the island of Boogerloo lived a species called boops. A group of the same species living in the same geographical area, such as the island of Boogerloo, is called a population. The population of boops on this island survived quite well thanks to the adaptations it had to the particular environment on Boogerloo.

The trees on the island of Boogerloo were covered in black bark. Boops were the color black, and they hung out in the trees much of the time. This was very helpful since it made it difficult for predators to see the boops, and if predators did see them, it was difficult to get to them up in the trees. The leaves on these trees were soft and easy to chew. Thus, boops never grew any teeth, and their mouths were not very strong.

The boops lived happily on the island of Boogerloo for many, many generations. Any boops that tried to leave the island died…until one day, something happened. The direction and force of the wind as well as the current in the water created a circumstance in which a boop could successfully swim to a neighboring island. So that day, the boops that tried to leave the island of Boogerloo actually succeeded. They made their way across the water and onto the island of Chimcheechee.

Chimcheechee was quite different from Boogerloo. Usually, when members of a population move away to a new environment that they are not adapted to, they die. But, every once in a while, they manage to succeed. And this was the case with the small group of adventurous boops. They survived.

But, this new environment offered different selection pressures (features of the environment that make certain traits advantageous to have). The trees were a very light brown. The leaves were thick and much more difficult to chew. The branches reached lower to the ground, allowing some predators to reach the boops in the trees…something that rarely happened in Boogerloo.

There were a few members of the group that left Boogerloo that weren’t as dark of a black as the typical boops. It was a little bit easier for these light colored boops to avoid being spotted in the trees, especially when they were near the darker colored boops, which predators tended to spot, and thus, eat, more often. Others were just a little bigger than the average boop. This made them a little more intimidating to predators, leading the predators to tend to choose to eat the smaller boops to avoid a potential fight in pursuit of their meals. And still, other boops had mouths that were a little bit more firm than the average boop, and they had an easier time breaking down the leaves of Chimcheechee in their mouths. This made them less likely to suffer from malnourishment.

The more a boop had these features, the more likely they were to survive and reproduce on the island of Chimcheechee.

Over time, from generation to generation, these specific features showed up more and more in this population of boops because the ones with these traits were more likely to survive and pass on those traits by reproducing. After many, many, many generations, almost every boop on the island of Chimcheechee was light brown, bigger in size, and had a firm mouth. So, at first, the boops with these traits, and the genes that produce them, were in the minority. But, because the island of Chimcheechee had a different environment, and therefore different selection pressures, eventually these weird traits became common place amongst the boops. They were the new boops.

On the island of Chimcheechee, there was a big mountain that ran through the middle of the island. The sun didn’t shine as easily on that side of the mountain, and it did not rain nearly as much. This caused the environment on the other side of the mountain to be quite different. Usually, when the new boops crossed to the other side of the mountain, they died. But, one day, the ones that crossed didn’t die. They made it over and managed to survive in this new environment with yet different selection pressures again. So, over the generations, the new boops changed even more as they adapted to their new environment. After many, many generations, almost all of the new boops on the other side of the mountain had even newer traits.

These newer new boops were so different from the original boops on the island of Boogerloo, where their ancestors lived, they could no longer successfully mate with the boops from Boogerloo even if they managed to find their way back over there. They were too genetically different for their chromosomes to combine in such a way as to reproduce a viable offspring. Thus, the boops on the other side of the mountain of Chimcheechee were not the same species as the boops of Boogerloo.

Some of the new boops on the first side of the mountain on Chimcheechee eventually went to another island and adapted to the enviroment there while the newer new boops from the second side of the mountain of Chimcheechee went to yet a different island. As this process continued on and on, the paths of the separated boops became more and more distant, so much so, it’d be difficult to even know they shared the same ancestors, the boops on Boogerloo, anymore unless you knew what to look for.

Scenarios like this are how new species come to be. But, it’s important to note here that all of the changes that lead to the new boops and the newer new boops had no impact on whether the boops on the island of Boogerloo survived. If the environment on Boogerloo remained the same during all of these events, then, most likely, the boops on the island of Boogerloo remained happy and well just as they were.

So, to all you losers out there that think you have come up with some insurmountable argument against evolutionary theory by asking, “If people came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys,” the answer is simple. First, people didn’t come from monkeys. But, second, even if they did, the process of a new species coming into existence does not require that the former species be wiped out from existence. And if you ever took the time to read a god damn book and learn about a topic before deciding what you think about it, you’d fucking know that.

Next time, take the time to fucking learn about what a person is actually saying before trying to argue against their claims. If you’re too much of a lazy ass to do that, then, just shut the fuck up.

The Fuckocrat

I know an old hag that never refers to a democrat as a democrat. She instead prefers to call them “low information voters.” Is this some right wing phrase that I’ve only heard in one place? Or is this some special phrase she coined herself? I honestly don’t know. But it’s fucking special alright.

Why doesn’t she just get up and shout, “Everyone that disagrees with me is stupid!”

I will say this phenomenon is not isolated to extreme conservatives, though. Extreme liberals are equally as guilty of this charge. They listen to one side. They get partial information, but believe they have all of the information. They then conclude that anyone that doesn’t agree with them simply doesn’t know what the fuck is going on.

But, in my world, I see this from conservatives more than liberals simply because I have so many conservative friends that have lingered from my fundie life. So that is what I’m going to bitch about today. But, this post could easily be re-written by replacing the word conservatives with liberals and replacing Fox News with MSNBC. I fully acknowledge that.

I’ve been asked what my political views are. Of course, by this, people usually are asking whether I’m a republican or a democrat. Well, I’m neither. I’m a fuckocrat.

What? You’ve never heard of a fuckocrat? OK, ok. I made that shit up. But, I do consider myself to be one. A fuckocrat is a person that aligns with neither the republicans or democrats or any other party. They simply realize that the American government, regardless of which administration is currently in charge, is fucking the vast majority of American citizens over. To state it in one sentence, a fuckocrat is a person that believes we’re all getting fucked by the man.

As a die hard fuckocrat, I believe in education, investigation, and research about current issues and events. And not from sources that insist on giving only partial information to advance their agenda.

Fox News has spent countless hours bitching about the Benghazi disaster. And conservatives are eating it up to this day. I’m sure that whatever did happen, it really was sleazy. Being a fuckocrat, I’m always watching with a suspicious eye. But, where were these conservatives when far larger numbers of soldiers were dying in a war that was started on a premise that was proven false? I know where the conservatives were back then. They were rallying behind George W. as the “chosen man of God.”

You see, all a politician has to do is get up behind a podium, quote a few scriptures, say he is a Christian, and babble some gibberish about abortion and prayer, and no matter what else they say or do, they will have automatically earned a very, very large number of votes. And not only will they get the votes, but they’ll get continued, unfettered support throughout their term, regardless of what they do. They can do the most evil shit imaginable and the fundies will be right there cheering those fuckers on.

I remember George W. being given a list of suggestions provided by the top military leaders in our nation and supported by congress. It was a huge fucking list. I don’t remember how many suggestions, but it was a LOT. George W. rejected ever god damn one of them. Every god damn one. He thought he knew better than experienced professionals on each and every point. He went his own way and used his presidential power to do whatever the hell he wanted. The fundies applauded ol’ Georgey, saying he wasn’t going to let those ass hats in Washington tell him what to do. He was gonna get ‘er done right.

Fast forward to the Obama administration. Obama has used his presidential power to go against the Washington ass hats plenty of times himself. But the fundies have now changed their tune, offering a much different reaction. They call for Obama’s impeachment for abusing his power as president. They call him a dictator or refer to him as King Hussein (’cause we just can’t forget that his middle name is the same as the first name of a terrorist..because that really fucking matters).

I knew a guy that practically got a woody every time he heard the term “Republican Party.” To him, they were the cake with special frosting and a scoop of ice cream on top. He told me once that Obama was a dick because he wanted the rich to have the biggest tax breaks and the poor and middle class to carry the largest tax burden. He expressed to me what a terrible economic strategy that is. I informed him that it is actually republicans that support this strategy. They believe giving tax breaks to the rich will cause that savings to trickle down to the undeserving maggots in the dung pile at the bottom of the economic ladder. Because, you know, rich people are well known for their generosity and tendency to pass the money onto the little guy. He went home and looked it up. A week later, we were having dinner, and he brought this up again, admitting it was the republicans that support this economic strategy. He then began to defend it, explaining that people won’t have anything to work toward if they know they just have to pay more taxes if they make more money.

First, I explained that it would be asinine to decide to not go from making $20,000 per year to $300,000 per year because of the increase in tax rate. Unless one would then have to pay $180,000 per year in taxes. So, that’s a pretty fucking stupid argument.

But, second, I was astonished that when he believed Obama supported an idea, he was completely against it and disgusted by it. But, as soon as he found out republican politicians supported the idea, it magically became a good thing and a fantabulous idea. But, this is how people are. They pick a side and follow it blindly.

This all resulted from a very big problem in this country. This country has too many lazy assholes that don’t want to think. And they certainly don’t want to read…unless it’s browsing their favorite little biased websites looking for memes posted by some jackass that picks and chooses what and who to bitch about based on what makes their side look like heroes while demonizing the other side. They’d much rather parrot what Fox News tells them to think. I have seen so many articles posted in my Facebook newsfeed recently that genuinely describe democrats as evil intentioned people that hate America and seek to destroy it. The republicans, on the contrary, are the patriots, fighting the good fight for America, trying to protect it from these liberal monsters. There really are people that believe this…and it is no small number of people that do.

I think the government wants it this way. They want us arguing with each other. If we keep ourselves occupied with arguing with one another, we’ll be far too busy to even notice all the serious fucked up bullshit our American government does. The policies of our government are designed to benefit a very minute portion of American citizens…of course, this minute portion is also the richest portion and that is obviously not a coincidence. They’re the ones that fund the politicians’ campaigns and slip money into their pockets any chance they get as a little reminder of who to keep as the priority. Our political leaders drop to their knees and suck these rich mother fuckers’ dicks with the promise that they’ll be taken care of once the blow job is complete. And it works. But, isn’t prostitution illegal in this country?

And what do we do about it? We fall in love with our political party and cheer them on like a bunch of dumbasses. This is just an entirely new depth of stupidity. Imagine someone being thrown overboard a ship with big fucking weights chained onto their damn ankles. And the whole time, they’re singing the praises of those tossing them over. That’s what most Americans do. We’re god damn morons.

Republicans and democrats alike want us all be to be good, dumb little workers. They’ll throw us just enough scraps to keep us all placated while they forge ahead in their pursuit of power and wealth. They put a carrot on a stick out in front of us just to make us think that there is actually a chance that one day, we’ll get to have the carrot, too. Those shit heads know we never will. But, if they just keep dangling that carrot, telling us we actually do have equality in this country, that everyone actually does get a fair chance, that hard work really does pay off around here…we’ll be the ass that keeps walking toward that unobtainable carrot.

As a representative of the fuckocratic party, I beg of you all to think. Turn off Fox News. In fact, turn off all the news all together. They give you bits and pieces, but never show you the whole. Read. And read a lot. Read from all sides of an issue. And then read some more. Digest what you read. Process it. Criticize it. And then read some more. And then think some more. And then think a little more.

Once you’ve done that, get off your ass and do something about it. Fundies love to rave about our forefathers. You know what our forefathers did? They fought the whole god damn British army because of unfair tax laws and a lack of representation of the people’s interests in government. They fought and died to end that kind of bullshit. Then, we all just sat down and let our own government do the exact same shit.

There are more of us than them. So they don’t get away with it because of their size and power. They get away with it because we let them. We have given our permission.

Who’s with me! Join the fuckocratic party today! Let’s tell the man that the bullshit ends today, or we’ll see to it that it’s them that will end up fucked!