Tag Archives: science

Creationism Part II

If you’d like to read my first post on the intolerably ignorant comments made by creationists, you can find it here.

“If people came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?”

I’ve been asked this question so many times, I swear I’m going to shit my pants if I get asked it again. Creationists that have brought this question to my attention inevitably stand there with a ridiculous, arrogant smirk on their faces, showing they obviously think they’ve come up with something so witty and so profound that they just threw a big fucking monkey wrench in the whole god damn theory of evolution, the backbone of the entire field of biology. My god, I can’t fucking stand it.

I mean can people really sustain their lives in spite of this level of stupidity? Do they think they’ve come up with something that the many, many, many scientists studying biology across the globe never noticed? God damn dumbasses.

So, I will now set the record straight by making 2 important points about the theory of evolution. The first point I would like to make demonstrates quite clearly that these people do not know what the fuck they are talking about.

Point 1: No biologist anywhere claims that people came from monkeys.

Do you get that, imbeciles? You half-wit fucktards think you’ve come up with a brilliant defense against a claim that no one is even claiming to begin with. It would be just as productive for me to set out to prove that the biologists are all wrong because their claim that the sky is green is false. If I did that, you would say I’m an absolute idiot because biologists don’t even say the sky is green. So, yeah, waste your pathetic lives arguing against claims no one is making, you fucking blockheads. If something is not important enough to you to pick up a god damn book and fucking read about it, then it’s not important enough to you to open up your trap and spew out your asinine opinions about it.

What biologists actually say is that monkeys and humans share a common ancestor. So, in a sense, they’re kind of like our evolutionary cousins. You’re related to your cousins because you share a common ancestor, your grandparents, with your cousins. But, you did not come from your cousins, obviously.

But, for the sake of argument, let’s pretend that biologists do actually say that people came from monkeys. The question, “Why are there still monkeys,” would still not do anything to trip up evolutionary theory. Any of these moronic asshats that think it does simply do not understand how evolution works. Which leads to my second point.

Point 2: If species B came from species A, it is not true that every single individual from species A turned into species B.

No where will you find a biologist, or anyone that has even the most basic understanding of biology, claiming that every individual in a species together evolved into a new species. It just doesn’t work that way. And no one says it does. So, to all of you that are too fucking dumb to decide you should learn about something before forming an opinion about it, I will help you learn about it now by telling you a story. Simple minds tend to understand things better when information is offered in story form, so I will accomodate you and your feeble mind.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful island called Boogerloo. On the island of Boogerloo lived a species called boops. A group of the same species living in the same geographical area, such as the island of Boogerloo, is called a population. The population of boops on this island survived quite well thanks to the adaptations it had to the particular environment on Boogerloo.

The trees on the island of Boogerloo were covered in black bark. Boops were the color black, and they hung out in the trees much of the time. This was very helpful since it made it difficult for predators to see the boops, and if predators did see them, it was difficult to get to them up in the trees. The leaves on these trees were soft and easy to chew. Thus, boops never grew any teeth, and their mouths were not very strong.

The boops lived happily on the island of Boogerloo for many, many generations. Any boops that tried to leave the island died…until one day, something happened. The direction and force of the wind as well as the current in the water created a circumstance in which a boop could successfully swim to a neighboring island. So that day, the boops that tried to leave the island of Boogerloo actually succeeded. They made their way across the water and onto the island of Chimcheechee.

Chimcheechee was quite different from Boogerloo. Usually, when members of a population move away to a new environment that they are not adapted to, they die. But, every once in a while, they manage to succeed. And this was the case with the small group of adventurous boops. They survived.

But, this new environment offered different selection pressures (features of the environment that make certain traits advantageous to have). The trees were a very light brown. The leaves were thick and much more difficult to chew. The branches reached lower to the ground, allowing some predators to reach the boops in the trees…something that rarely happened in Boogerloo.

There were a few members of the group that left Boogerloo that weren’t as dark of a black as the typical boops. It was a little bit easier for these light colored boops to avoid being spotted in the trees, especially when they were near the darker colored boops, which predators tended to spot, and thus, eat, more often. Others were just a little bigger than the average boop. This made them a little more intimidating to predators, leading the predators to tend to choose to eat the smaller boops to avoid a potential fight in pursuit of their meals. And still, other boops had mouths that were a little bit more firm than the average boop, and they had an easier time breaking down the leaves of Chimcheechee in their mouths. This made them less likely to suffer from malnourishment.

The more a boop had these features, the more likely they were to survive and reproduce on the island of Chimcheechee.

Over time, from generation to generation, these specific features showed up more and more in this population of boops because the ones with these traits were more likely to survive and pass on those traits by reproducing. After many, many, many generations, almost every boop on the island of Chimcheechee was light brown, bigger in size, and had a firm mouth. So, at first, the boops with these traits, and the genes that produce them, were in the minority. But, because the island of Chimcheechee had a different environment, and therefore different selection pressures, eventually these weird traits became common place amongst the boops. They were the new boops.

On the island of Chimcheechee, there was a big mountain that ran through the middle of the island. The sun didn’t shine as easily on that side of the mountain, and it did not rain nearly as much. This caused the environment on the other side of the mountain to be quite different. Usually, when the new boops crossed to the other side of the mountain, they died. But, one day, the ones that crossed didn’t die. They made it over and managed to survive in this new environment with yet different selection pressures again. So, over the generations, the new boops changed even more as they adapted to their new environment. After many, many generations, almost all of the new boops on the other side of the mountain had even newer traits.

These newer new boops were so different from the original boops on the island of Boogerloo, where their ancestors lived, they could no longer successfully mate with the boops from Boogerloo even if they managed to find their way back over there. They were too genetically different for their chromosomes to combine in such a way as to reproduce a viable offspring. Thus, the boops on the other side of the mountain of Chimcheechee were not the same species as the boops of Boogerloo.

Some of the new boops on the first side of the mountain on Chimcheechee eventually went to another island and adapted to the enviroment there while the newer new boops from the second side of the mountain of Chimcheechee went to yet a different island. As this process continued on and on, the paths of the separated boops became more and more distant, so much so, it’d be difficult to even know they shared the same ancestors, the boops on Boogerloo, anymore unless you knew what to look for.

Scenarios like this are how new species come to be. But, it’s important to note here that all of the changes that lead to the new boops and the newer new boops had no impact on whether the boops on the island of Boogerloo survived. If the environment on Boogerloo remained the same during all of these events, then, most likely, the boops on the island of Boogerloo remained happy and well just as they were.

So, to all you losers out there that think you have come up with some insurmountable argument against evolutionary theory by asking, “If people came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys,” the answer is simple. First, people didn’t come from monkeys. But, second, even if they did, the process of a new species coming into existence does not require that the former species be wiped out from existence. And if you ever took the time to read a god damn book and learn about a topic before deciding what you think about it, you’d fucking know that.

Next time, take the time to fucking learn about what a person is actually saying before trying to argue against their claims. If you’re too much of a lazy ass to do that, then, just shut the fuck up.